So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
