If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
