I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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