There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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