I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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