He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
