i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
