I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
