I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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