Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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