You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He better not be in your backpack
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
