i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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