We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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