how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
