Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
