Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
