Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
