It's Friday. Sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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