No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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