She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize