i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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