You work out of a Hotel?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
