I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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