No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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