The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
