I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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