Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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