Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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