God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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