last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
