so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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