I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
