CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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