so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
