her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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