I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
