the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
