Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
