Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
