u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Terrible idea I love it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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