did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
