I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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