fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
