Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
