I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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