Screwed.edu
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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