guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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