idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
