im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
