sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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