so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
