Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
