so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
