apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Green mimosas i think yes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
