i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
