sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize