He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
