How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
