see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
