What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
