She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
