I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
