it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize