If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
