I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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