God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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