i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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